Hello again!

Well, I haven't been here for a while!

I've sort of missed being here, and I really should get back more often.  Maybe I can make that one of my new year's resolutions.  Along with eating healthier food, exercising more often, giving up smoking... Oh wait... I don't smoke... Oh well you know what I mean.

I'll put it on the list of all the things I should do, writing, that is, not smoking...

Anyway.  I just want to wish you all a very Happy and Peaceful New Year, and I hope I get my act together and get back here again soon.

Have a good one!

Holy translation!!

If you are a regular reader of this blog, then you will remember that I visited the lovely Caribbean Island of Jamaica earlier this year.  Ahh...Such fond memories...

Before I went to visit, my friend wrote to me on several occasions describing life in her new found paradise.  We heard about all aspects of Jamaican life both from the 'native' side and from her side as an 'Ex Pat'. One thing she mentioned regularly were her visits to Church.  Here's a quote about one visit from one of her e-mails:

"...We went to Mass today, a short one by all accounts - only an hour and three quarters - joyous singing and swaying in our pews (well not so much us stiff Irish folk), lots of holding hands and reaching out with love, etc. .."

It always fascinated me when she spoke about the religious aspect, it seem so joyous, musical, fascinating, and good all round entertainment.  When I was there I got to see some of this entertainment first hand.  No I didn't actually go to church, but I did witness the beautiful colourfully clad ladies complete with hats and gloves making their way, at the Jamaican pace of 'leisurly', to their local place of worship. It looked so exciting it nearly made me want to go...Until I heard that some of the 'worship' can go on all day, and some people even go home for lunch and go back again in the afternoon.  Eh...

Anyway, you can imagine my amusement today when I read that a new version of the Bible has been  recently produced designed especially for the lovely people that reside in that equally lovely land.  It has been translated into Jamaican patois (which took 20 years!!) and now goes under the new name "Jiizas Book".

OK, I'm not going to read you the whole Jiizas Book, but here are some amusing extracts (you have to read with a Jamaican accent!)..

Jiizas Book:  "Jiizas: di buuk We Luuk rait bout Im."
The Bible:  "The Gospel according to Luke"

Jiizas Book:  "Lisn op!"
The Bible:  "Behold"

Jiizas Book: "Lisn op!  Di uman we needn sliip with no man ago get biebi."
The Bible:  "Behold a virgin shall be with child".

Jiizas Book:  "Di ienjel go tu Mieri an se tu ar se, 'Mieri, mi av nyuuz we a go mek yu wel api. Gad riili riili bles yu an im a waak wid yu all di taim."
The Bible: "And having come in, the angel said to her, 'Rejoice, highly favoured one, the Lord is with you: blessed are you among women."

Jiizas Book: "rispek fi yu an yu niem".
The Bible:  "Hallowed be thy name".

Apparently, you can listen to the Book of Luke on iTunes in 24 episodes!  Well I suppose it would make a change from listening to the News this evening....

Reading the Jamacian got me thinking.  I began to wonder what the Bible would sound like translated if it was translated into Dublin speak....

Jay-sus...did ya 'ere, Mary's preggers... it's a bleeding miracle 'cos shee-es s'not ever bin wit a fella.....
(Behold a virgin shall be with child)

Story Bud? (Behold)

You'es de Man!  (Hallowed be thy name)

Dat Luke bloo-eke was rabbitin' on 'bout some udd-er eejit... (The Gospel according to Luke)

Elocution lessons anybody???

McDreamy....

My (very lucky) brother posted THIS picture on Facebook yesterday....

There were lots of comments!

The winner is:  "Did you lick him for me"!!  I won't say who posted it, but you know who you are Lisa Halpin..

Oh by the way, my brother is the one on the right.

Jealous....

Born with the gift of a Golden Voice

It was 'Junior Cert' exam results week this week.

For those of you reading this that don't live in Ireland, Junior Cert is a state exam that you sit when you are about 14 or 15 years of age, you sit the exam in June and you have to wait until September for your results.  How mean is that, you have to wait a whole summer, stressing over results (as if!!).  For those of you living in the UK reading this, the exam is the equivalent to the GCSE's.  For those of you reading in the US...I'm not sure what the US equivalent is, or if you even have an equivalent exam.

So, anyway, after a couple of missed opportunities, it was fitting that I got to see somebody this week who I first came across when I was supposed to be studying to sit my Junior Cert exam all those years ago...

...Just before Junior Cert year for me, we got a new Math teacher at our school.  He was very cool and trendy and good looking, and being an all girls school, he was understandably a bit hit.  Suddenly everybody was interested in Math!  Our class/form were one of the 'lucky' classes that actually got him as our new Math teacher.  We all turned over a new leaf in our much scribbled copy books and started to see algebra, trigonometry, theorems and all sorts of other Math stuff as items of interest.  We forgot all about Donny Osmond and David Cassidy and whoever else's names we were drawing love hearts around and scribbling in our books about, and concentrated on our studies (and if you believe that.....!)

As it turned out, our Math teacher was not only a good teacher, he also played the guitar, and as we discovered years later, is an accomplished song writer.  He was also very generous with his time and organised  after school guitar lessons for anybody that was interested.  So I decided to go along and see what this was all about.  I think from memory there was only about 6 pupils who stayed back for the lessons.  After a couple of lessons, teaching us how to read music and showing us a few chords and getting us strumming our shiny new guitars, he decided to teach us a song that we could all play and sing along with.  A natural progression I think!

Here is where it all went horribly wrong.  He asked did we know Leonard Cohen and the song Suzanne...eh...who....eh...what song?  Everybody else in the class said yes so not to be outdone I said yes too (remember it was about 20 years ago and I was only about 14 years old....oh wait... that doesn't add up to my current age...I really should have paid more attention to my Math!!).  So he gave us the chords, ran through the song a couple of times and told us to go home and learn it for next week.  Jeez....I had never heard of the lovely Leonard or the seductive Suzanne...I was going to fail, fail miserably, and look a fool in front of the really cool teacher.  Oh no...how could this be happening to me....

We had a record player at home, of course, but we didn't have any LC records.  And, of course there was no Internet or Youtube for me to look up and find out what this was all about.  So I had to learn the hard way by reading the music note by note and hoping I had the tune right.  I spent a few hours (when I should have been studying my Junior Cert Math or French or some other subject) every night practicing and eventually got the hang of the tune and the chords and the words....gosh those words, they made no sense at the time...

Those were the days too when the television finished at 11.30, and I made my pocket money by babysitting.

One evening whilst babysitting for a couple that I thought were the most boring people under the sun, (having come to this conclusion because they had no Albums by David Bowie in their record collection) the television has long since finished broadcasting and there was still no sign of them coming home.  The children were all fast asleep and I was bored.  So I decided to browse their record collection yet again, and low and behold, I found a previously ignored Album entitled "Leonard Cohen - The Best of".  The first track on the first side was Suzanne....after learning to play and sing it I finally heard the original....and that was it.... I was hooked!  I think I wore out the needle and the record, and my voice from singing along!

So last night after many years of waiting, I finally got to see the great man himself.  He came to my lovely city to entertain me with his songs and poetry and funny little quips.  I know most people don't like or understand his music, but I do.  And more surprising than him coming to entertain me, was how he entertained me.  For an 'old' man of 78 years of age, dare I say....he rocked the joint!!  By the end of the night the whole audience was dancing in the aisles.

My friend is a big Paul Weller fan, but she won't go and see him live because she thinks seeing him live might spoil the illusion and the fantasy and she might end up disappointed....well I have to tell her, that for me to see my idol live just made it all the better, and there was absolutely no disappointment.

I don't play the guitar much nowadays, but strangely enough when I do pick it up and play, I can always remember how to play Suzanne...

Funny how I can remember how to play the guitar, but I can't remember Math!!  Best go and get a calculator and try to work out exactly how old I am....

Getting the balance right!

I read an interesting article today about a substance called 'Resveratrol'. 

It's some kind of a scientific molecule (why do all those scientific things end in 'ol'?) that I have never heard of before.  So, being curious, I looked it up, and according to Wikipedia:

"Resveratrol is a stilbenoid, a type of natural phenol (there's that 'ol' again!), and a phytoalexin produced naturally by several plants when under attack by pathogens such as bacteria or fungi."

Does that make it any clearer for you?  No?  Well it didn't for me either!

So I went back to the article hoping for enlightenment.  Apparently, as in all good research, they fed this compound to a group of ageing mice, and at the end of the study, the mice showed a huge improvement in their sense of balance.  (Where do they come up with this stuff?)  But alas, the ageing mice that were not fed this wonder molecule continued to stagger and stumble.  A stumbling mouse!  I have never seen one of those, the only mice I ever see seem to be very nimble as they are darting across my kitchen floor and disappearing through some space that I didn't even know was there!  Anyway, according to Dr Jane Cavenaugh, in some university in Pittsburgh, who is conducting the study, Resveratrol "could decrease some motor deficiencies seen in our ageing population and would therefore increase an ageing persons quality of life, and decrease their risks of hospitalisation due to slips and falls".  Excellent result!!  A big thank you to the mice!

Oh I forgot to tell you that this substance is found in the skin of red grapes, therefore by deduction, its also found in red wine, and I didn't need to be a scientist to figure that out.  So, basically, in this study, they got the old mice drunk on red wine and, eureka, they could run around the room without falling over!! Where as the poor old mice that were left to drink the Ribena couldn't make it across the room without falling over. 

Well hurrah, at last a study that makes sense!  Now, thanks to this fantastic research, I know where I have been going wrong...  You see, I only drink WHITE wine.  So now, to get my balance right (eh...not that I'm ageing or anything), I am going to have to change my tipple and start drinking the red stuff.  A whole new world of Merlot's Shiraz's and Chianti's could be open to me here, and you know how much I like to research...

Oh it also said in the article that to get the benefits of Resveratrol from red wine, you would have to drink about 700 4oz glasses a day....

...I better get started...

The 'Fighting Irish'!

I have the 'Rocky' soundtrack on...
I have my fists clenched tightly and I'm holding them in front of my face...
I am dancing and shifting my weight from foot to foot...
I'm dipping my shoulders and moving from side to side...
I'm doing that backwards/sideways shuffle...

I don't get it!

What does that lovely little girl from Bray see in the Sport.  She walks calmly and quietly into the arena, she waves shyly but somehow confidently to the crowd, she smiles, she listens very carefully and respectfully to her trainers, she puts on her head gear and gum shield, she smiles again, she gets into a ring with that pretty little face and humble demeanor, and then, she BEATS the hell out of her opponent!!

I'm all for women having equal opportunities, especially in sport, but really, boxing?  I don't like it as a mans sport.  I know it's very technical and skillful, but still, to me it just looks like two people beating the pulp out of each other.

And not only have we Katie to cheer for but we have two other medal contenders in the male boxing competition...we are really living up to out 'fighting Irish' legend!

But I'll get off my soap box now and I'll even wish them luck.  It's great to see all the support and the tri-colours in the audience.  I'll even join in the party that's been organised in work tomorrow,  I'll take my place in the training centre where the TV is being placed, I'll drink the coffee and eat the cake provided.  And I will cheer Katie on along with the rest of the country, and I'll be proud and probably shed a little tear...

Maybe when (?) she wins the gold tomorrow she will retire from boxing and take up a more lady like sport, like....wrestling....or shot putting....or weight lifting...!  Have you seen those women, jeez, all that Lycra....

On the road again

I'm on this bus again...

My training is over and I'm headed for the airport.

Today I had an off road experience. No, I didn't run a car off the road.  'Off Road' is what they call it when they put you in a 4x4 vehicle, put some traffic cones in lines and curves and make you drive at high speed through the cones avoiding puddles and any other objects placed in your path. Well that's not really off road either, but that's as contrived as it got today.  It was fun! For once we didn't have to worry about hitting or running over anything or doing an emergency stop.  They made us do all that stuff.  So I now know how to handle a very large 4x4 when driving trough strategically placed cones, puddles and barriers, with a car full of testosterone fuelled salesmen and all the safety equipment they could get on board.  

Somehow, I don't think I will get the same result at home from my little Ford Fiesta with my first aid kit and Rusty (the dog) in the back...

They also put me in the front seat of a jeep and drove it up to a great height on a flimsy steel construction at a very sharp angle, I couldn't see anything on the way up except the sky! Then we went over a controlled see-saw thing at the top, and then, down the other equally flimsy side at an even sharper angle.  I was very brave and only screamed once, when the driver insisted on reversing back up the steel rigging just when I thought it was finally over! Thank goodness for seat belts, I was literally suspended in mine hanging loose from my seat looking down through the windscreen at the ground below.  With a smiling driver explaining how the whole thing worked.  Who cares how it works, let met off!!! That was more of an 'out of seat' experience for me than an off road one, and I definitely wont be trying that at home.  I'm still not the better of it.

Anyway, another airport, another flight...

But!!

I'm not flying back to Dublin with the rest of the bunch.  No, I'm flying to Barcelona for a few days well earned rest!  

I know I'm in Schonfeld airport, but As far as I am concerned it's heaven! for much to my delight I have found a shop that just sells chocolate bars.  There are so many varieties....Brazilian pepper....Candied Violet....Rose....Tea Blossom Leaves....Wild Berries...Dark Lemon and Pepper....Red Wine....Coconut...and even Salt! It took me twenty minutes to choose.  I chose Candied Mint and Fitness (!!) bars....

My flight's delayed.  Damn!  Oh well, It must be time for a comfort break...hmmm....wonder can I substitute the cake for chocolate?  :-)

Driving Miss Daisy

For the very first time in all of my driving life, today, I was  breathalysed.  Tested, first thing this morning, in front of all my colleagues.  But, don't panic, I passed with a perfect score of 0.0.  Phew!! The first time again, in all of my life that I wanted to score zero in a test. And then, all of my highly amused colleagues were tested too...

Luckily enough everybody passed, anything above 0.0 would have been a fail, so that meant that we could all go on our driving trip today.

And at last too, I found a co-conspirator in the form of our convoy lead driver, a very nice German lady, Olga! And boy did Olga give the boys a run for their money.

I won't bore you with the ins and outs of a three hour new vehicle evaluation but it was all very hi-tech involving an on-board iPad and tasks that had to be completed over the course of the test drive.  But myself and my co-driver got that bit out of the way quickly (we cheated) and spent the rest of our trip evaluating the country side around Berlin.

We drove through some very lovely areas, through quaint little villages,over several canals (or maybe the same one several times) and railway crossings, through some sunny wooded areas, which were akin to a trip through Cruagh Wood or the Phoenix Park.  I will definitely come back to this city again.

There was also some Autobahn driving.

No speed limited are imposed on certain sections of the Autobahn and this was where Olga really put the boys through their paces. But fortunately we didn't loose anybody.  Well, except me! But that was when we were going through one of the lovely wooded areas and we came upon a red flag wielding tree feller, who had to be obeyed. Everybody else got by him, but me being the last vehicle, got stopped and lost sight and radio contact with the rest of the convoy.  But I didn't panic, no instead I put into practice my advanced driving skills (foot to the floor and hold on tight) and managed to catch the other cars, regain radio contact with Olga, and most importantly, made it back to base in time for lunch.

I have been overloaded with information today, most of which I won't remember, but I did find out one very important piece of information, I found out what a 'comfort break' is... And it involves cake!!

Back at the hotel now to make myself beautiful for this evenings event.  Apparently we are going to get a glimpse into the future....I hope I can stay awake long enough to see it...

Guten Nacht!

I'm back on the coach!  And guess what, it's a Mercedes one, and it's bring driven by, wait for it....a woman!! So there is another female in this city!!

It's raining! Does it follow me everywhere? It's quite warm tho' about 25 deg so that makes up for the rain.

I have been separated from my group and I am surrounded by Germans (obviously!).  I was trying to have a conversation with the person sitting beside me on the bus but my very limited German vocabulary is causing me to get blank looks and heads held quizzically to one side...So i've stopped trying to speak German as it seems that I sound  more like the Swedish chef from the Muppets than a German... Oh well at least I tried.  I'm not sure how long I'll be on this coach for, I really should have paid more attention at German classes...

The city looks nice....oh well, off to work...

I'm back on the coach again after a very long day.

And  what a day! I'm very tired, and fed up looking at cars.  Although I did get to drive some very sporty little numbers, and some of the sporty numbers big brothers. But driving through the very busy streets of Berlin at rush hour with a bunch  of boy racers was  a bit nerve wrecking! Nothing like a challenge to wake you up. I think I lived up to the challenge, until I had to park one of the larger cars, then I just lived up to being blond!

It's been an interesting day, but I feel a bit like I am being inducted into a cult!! And if i see one more three pointed star...

So after all that training, learning, driving and inducting, we were treated to dinner on a boat on the river.  The river Spray. It was amazing. I have decided that from now on whatever city in Europe I visit I am going to take a boat trip around that city.  It was lovely to watch the banks glide by with people waving to us as they sipped their drinks from the numerous waterside bars, or sitting by their boats, drinking coffee.  We spent over three hours on the boat this evening and I finally got to see all the city's sights at night with all the lights from the buildings, old and new, glistening and reflecting in the water. We even passed Angela Merkels house, but alas, she wasn't in.  She probably wouldn't have wanted to entertain us Irish anyway.  We also went through a lock on the river and had to wait while the boat was slowly raised up and up and up until we reached the water level on the other side of the gate.  Oh the excitement of it all, i don't know what I will have to write about tomorrow to follow that!! I wish too,that I had done more research so that I knew what exactly I was looking at.  I will just have to come back when I am not working...

I'm still not quite sure what I ate but it was all very tasty.

Well I didn't find a female partner in crime, but, much to my delight, I did discover that because this is such a male orientated trip, the ladies toilets are completely empty, so no queuing in there for me! You should see the line outside the gents...

Back to my search tomorrow, i won't give up, but now it's bed time for me, and another long day to look forward to...

Guten Tag!

Hello (or should that be Guten Tag) from Berlin!

I've never been here before, so, what awaits I wonder?

From what I've seen so far everything is very neat and tidy organized. Is neat and tidyness typically German? Well my hoards of German readers can let me know if that's the case.

Unfortunately I'm not here for a holiday, no, I have been sent on a training course by my very lovely employers.  So for the next couple of days I will be treated to the Mercedes experience.  Not sure exactly what that is, but when I find Out I'll let you know.

 

I did receive an itinary for e trip before i left, but it was a bit vague, very full days and evenings but thrown in every so often are comfort breaks...dying to see what they are.  Hope I'm not treated to uncomfort while I'm waiting!! It's so full, in fact, that I don't think I am going to get to see any of the sights of Berlin.  It's a shame really, to come all this way and probably only see cars. They will be very nice no doubt, all Mercedes cars are, but I would much rather see the city.

I'm writing this on the coach from the airport.  It's lovely and sunny and warm, so that's a good start.  I was treated to breakfast on the plane, and when I get to the hotel I will be having lunch before I have to do any work,  so apart from the fact that I was up at five this morning, it's shaping up to be a very nice day. Well that is until we start 'work'.  I hope I can stay awake.

I forgot to mention that I'm in a group of twelve, all men except for me. Now before you get too excited, remember they are car salesmen, with a limited subject pool.  only one subject they can converse about...

So spent my time at the airport with an all male group, now i've just registered for the conference with a very large group and not a female in sight. I'm now standing waiting to check in to my hotel room in a very nice lobby with a fountain and a pool in it (which is very inviting as i am so hot) and at last I can see another female.  Hurrah!!

Unfortunately, she is the receptionist checking us in!!

Lunch was very nice...at my all male table, with cars for conversation..

So my mission for today is to find another English speaking female that I can gossip about all these men with!!!

Have to run for the bus to the conference centre....watch this space!!

Only in America...

I know I have at least one American reader (Hi Kara!) so I thought I would wish you 'Happy Independence Day'!

I know we have our own celebration day, St Patricks Day, but we do like to celebrate yours too. You know us Irish, always looking for an excuse to party. So on 4th July we do American stuff, like eating hot dogs, watch baseball, and say "have a nice day" to everybody we meet. Not wanting to be left out of the celebrations, I did my bit for the American cause today by having my lunch in McDonald's! Well, not really McDonald's, but the McCafe part of it. (I know, I know, but I had no where else to go today, and they do really nice coffee...!)

While I was having my lunch, ignoring the lovely cakes that were staring at me out of the fridge, I had a read of the paper (very kindly supplied by McD's). Today the paper included an American section, and that section included an article about a couple of very interesting (!) laws still in force in different states in the US.

I nearly choked on my very healthy brie and rocket sandwich while reading...

For example did you know that:

In Vermont women can't wear false teeth without their husband's written permission! (I'm speechless....well I suppose I would be without teeth....And what on earth would you do if you were single....)

In Chicago it's illegal to fish in your pyjamas! (Why?? Do the fish prefer a nightdress?)

In Florida its illegal for a single or divorced woman to parachute on a Sunday...(I suppose the married women have to get their turn...)

In Alabama its illegal to have an ice-cream cone in your back pocket at any time...(Jeez...As if!! I always keep mine in my front pocket).

In Utah a husband is responsible for every criminal act committed by his wife while she is in his presence...(Seriously?? So let me get this straight. In Utah, you could murder your husband, and as you would be in his presence while you were doing it, he would be responsible....! PS, Sorry ladies, I've already checked, Aer Lingus doesn't fly to Utah!)

In Oklahoma females are forbidden from doing their own hair without being licensed by the State...(Glad I don't live there, I'd have been locked up long ago)

In Alaska it's illegal to push a Moose out of a moving airplane. (So...it's OK if the plane is not moving....right?)

And the Oscar goes to.......Arkansas! Where, apparently, a man can legally beat his wife, as long as it's not more than once a month!

Of course in Ireland we don't have any dumb laws like that, well, except maybe, the one about the Leprechaun and the dinner.....

Happy Birthday Grandad!

There was a 'silly' Grandad with a Camera,
Who was overcome with a bad attack of asthma!
With a hell of a sneeze
he created a breeze,
That blew him and the camera to Ghana!!

Twilight

Apparently, it's to stay bright tonight until 23.07.

I heard that on the radio today. But, not believing everything I hear, I checked my favorite weather website and it said 'twilight' will end at 22.49. Well that's 18 minutes in the difference between the guy on the radio and the website!!

Hmm....18 minutes can be a long time.I thought I'd put the scientists to the the test and I'm outside now, typing this, waiting....I'm going to stay here until its dark and time it, to see who was right!!

So while I'm sitting here waiting for it to get dark, I'm trying to think of all the things I could do in my little garden with only 18 minutes of daylight left!!

I could wander round the flower beds and pull out all the weeds that have appeared thanks to all the rain...

I could sweep the decking...

I could pick up all the debris left from when next door cut the shrubs that are along the adjoining wall and let all the clippings fall into my garden...

I could clip some of my own shrubs...

I could put away the garden furniture...But, that all sounds like too much effort.

I'd rather just sit here and read my very funny book. (It's called 'My third husband will be a dog'!!)Actually it's quite pleasant out here at the moment, and it's not raining. So I'm making the most of it, because after tonight, according again to the favorite weather website, it's to rain for the next forty days and nights. (I don't know why it's my favorite, when it gives me such terrible forecasts!!).

Well, because it may be some time before I see my garden, garden furniture, shrubs, or even the weeds again, I'm going to just sit here and read and drink coffee and wait for it to get dark and leave all the garden chores for another day....

...I'd tell you about the book, but, it's getting hard to read, the light is fading, fast.....but wait.....it's only 21.59, and I'm not finished my chapter, there should be another hour of light left!! I feel cheated, so much for the scientists and their predictions.

I wonder will they get the one about the rain wrong?

My new boyfriend.

Dear Agony Aunt,

I hope this letter finds you well.

I have just come back from a wonderful holiday on the beautiful island of Jamaica and I am tanned, relaxed, (almost) stress free and happy.

But there is one problem causing me a little stress, and I hope you can help with it. I am sure you have heard holiday romance stories a thousand times before, but I would still like you to listen to mine...

Well, I met the most wonderful guy on holidays. His name is Alex, and it was love at first sight. He is tall, well built, has loads of muscles (in all the right places) is strong, and of course, VERY handsome!! He has the biggest brightest eyes, and the smoothest skin which feels like velvet to touch, and he loves you to touch it. He is very playful, never staying still for a minute, and likes nothing better than a good laugh. I don't know where to start to tell you about the good times we had together.

But (why is there always a but....), there is one little problem that could end our relationship before it even starts.

He loves the water!

He would stay in it all day just going round and round, jumping in and out (which he is really good at) and splashing people when he lands, perfectly every time of course! The water is where he is at his best, and he really looks good in it. He seems to love nothing better then when a crowd has gathered and he has somebody to show off his many water related talents to. He will swim and catch things that people throw in for him and he will dance round groups swim under their feet then come up the other side, all the time laughing, smiling, clapping, splashing and generally having a fun time and making everybody laugh and feel good. He is also very affectionate and will hug and kiss anybody that passes by in the water.

I know you're thinking what's the problem here, he sounds like a really fun guy. Well.....here it is....and it's a big one....

I can't swim!!

I really hope you can come up with a solution to this problem for me. I have attached a picture so that you can see how good we look together....

Please help!!
Yours in earnest,
Landlubber Siobhan

Bah Humbug!

I'm taking the flag down.  And I never want to hear 'The Fields of Athenry' again....

A big up to the Irish fans....singing in all that rain...

Ole....Ole Ole Ole

I forgot to say....

Good luck to the 'Boys in Green' tonight.

I can't see out my bedroom window, because there is a huge Tri-Colour (Irish Flag) hanging out of it.  It's great to see the bunting and flags out.....even if they are sodden from all the rain.  I know it's warmer in Poland, so at least the team's spirit won't be dampened by the weather.

GO IRELAND!!!!

Abroad thoughts from home...

What a miserable day!  I'm cold!!  And I'm back at work.

Right now I'm looking out at a gray sky and the trees outside my window swaying in the wind, a far cry from the palm trees that I was watching swaying in the warm breeze last week.  The weather  is so bad, it might as well be October.  The trees swaying are putting me into a trance and I'm being transported back to this time last week...

...I'm lying on the beautiful beach at Fort Clarence, Kingston, Jamaica.  And it's hot. Hot, hot, hot.  I'm lying on the beach, on a sunbed, factor 30 on and the sun beating down on me, listening to the sound of the ocean, watching a very busy man with a huge big rake removing all the seaweed, discarded by the sea, from the shore line.  He's working very hard, I am amazed at how he can work in the heat.  It's 10am and its 35 degrees...The best I can do is muster up the strength to walk as far as the water...

(My beach hut)










I'm not a great swimmer, and usually shy away from the water, but it was so hot I could hear the water calling me to get in.  I walked down to the edge and put my toe in, expecting the 'shock factor' that you get when you're so hot and the water is so cold...well, there was none of that, it was like stepping into a warm bath, it was glorious.  I didn't have to ease myself in holding my breath, I just walked right in to the bright blue Caribbean sea, sat down and felt the water swirling all around me.  Bliss.  I didn't want to get out, ever.  But then lunch was mentioned and I didn't want to be rude....I walked back across the newly raked litter free sand and thought how peaceful it was and far removed from the litter strewn noisy and ramshackle streets of Kingston that we drove through the first day that we arrived.  But I won't think about that now...

It's strange, because for a not-so-great swimmer, my holiday seemed to include loads of water based stuff...

...Now I'm on the other side of the island to Kingston, the north of the Island, at a place called Ocho Rios. I'm in a cove sitting on a pontoon with my legs dangling in the clear blue warm water, and a very large, huge in fact, Sting Ray is swimming underneath my feet.  Didn't your man Steve Whats-his-name die by being stung by one of these...yikes....but I won't think about that now.  Some people have braved the water and let the gigantic ray come right up to their chests while they rub the fishes belly, but I'm not that brave, the one swimming under my feet is just enough for me.  Next stop, the beach, where a glass bottomed kayak waits for me.  More deep water.  (I saw a great poster while driving across the Island.  It said "When you are in deep water, talk to 'The One' that walked on it...I must try that!) I'm not good out of my depth but, I'm straight in and paddling like mad.  Although it's a calm day, the sea is quite choppy but it's easy enough to paddle and we go all the way out to where the coral reef is, which we can see through the bottom of the boat.  It's very pretty, but endangered apparently. 

(Me, in a kayak!!)










I was a bit endangered my self on this holiday!!  Everywhere I went there were warning signs....Beware of falling Mango's!  Beware of falling coconuts!!  Beware of falling almonds!!  I have the photos to prove it.  While we were having lunch one day, under a mango tree, one did fall on my friend.  Thankfully no damage was done, to either the Mango or my friend, and the very kind waiter gave us the offending article to have for breakfast the next day!!  How sweet...the Mango and the waiter!!  :-)

(Told you I had the photos to prove it!!)











Anyway....back to the water sports, and back to the cove.  It was actually called Dolphin Cove.  So guess what??  Yes, I did!!  I, who can't swim out of my dept, and am terrified of deep water, swam with a Dolphin!!  I know, I know, it was all very staged and the animal was well trained, but still, it was a fascinating exhilarating experience.  I was able to hold on to his fins while he swam on his back through the water pulling me along with ease, he moved very swiftly, and then he gave me a big kiss when it was all over.  They have the strangest feeling skin.  It was like silk and stone rolled together, solid but soft and very smooth.  He was a lovely animal.  I was running on adrenalin, I was concentrating so hard on staying afloat that I nearly missed out on the experience of it all.  A very kind American girl saw that I was struggling and offered me her arm for support.  But I did manage to stay afloat and got out of the water with a pounding heart and a huge smile, feeling very proud of myself.  I have the photos to prove that too!!! 

I really should learn to swim....but I won't think about that now.

...Next stop Montego Bay, where the singing waiter, the palm trees and the pool were awaiting.  I also braved the water one more time here.  In (on?) a catamaran!!  What a thrill, those things move so fast and you are so near the water with no protection, just sitting on the side (hull - I got a run down of all the sailing terms) holding on to a very thin line that's attached to the sail.  The waves were huge.  In one photo, taken from the shore, we have gone down so far between the waves that it looks like we have no boat underneath us!!  We were so far out at one stage that I began to get nervous, was I ever going to see the shore again....but I won't think about that now.  When we did eventually turn around the boat picked up speed and it was a great feeling whizzing back in to land with the sea splashing in my face and the water gushing up around my feet where it was coming in under the canvas.  All this and the sun beating down on me too, what more could you want.  I did enjoy the ride, but I was happy to be back on the warm sand again. 

(The singing waiter!!)









There's so much more to write about.

The food...so much choice, some new things for me to try, like plantains, bammys, snapper fish, jerk chicken cooked in a barrel at the side of the road, and as much fruit as you could eat.  There are so many fruit trees growing on the sides of the roads that you could literally eat your way around the Island...

The crazy signs at every road junction, for example.  "Breaking the lights, could put out your lights"  or  "Use your head, or loose your head.  Wear a helmet" or "Be polite on the road"...

The trip through the bustling market in the centre of Kingston, where you take your life in your hands just crossing the road, (apparently there are three sides to the roads in Jamaica, the right side, the left side and the suicide - hence the road signs!!) and where the market vender's, when they have no customers, sit and read their bibles...

The visit to the coffee plantation., where we were eventually 2,600 feet above sea level (having climbed up the side of the hill on a very narrow path in the blistering heat), surrounded by coffee, banana and bamboo plants, drinking coffee and listening to tales of the plantation and how the coffee is roasted and ground.  Where the sound of the crickets 'singing' in the trees was so loud that at times we couldn't hear the guide speak...

The visit to the Bob Marley Museum, where we did the tour of his house, listened to tales of his achievements, admired his gold silver and platinum discs, and then admired the 'herbs' growing in his garden!!...

(Bob's 'herbs'!!)











The amazing breakfast at Strawberry Hills, Spa, Hotel and home to the owner of Island Records (Chris Blackwell), where U2 stay on their trips to this lovely Island.  I don't know how they ever leave....

(The view from breakfast at Strawberry Hills)










But I won't think about that now.

Did I mention the food...

Did I mention the heat...

But no, I won't think about any of that now...

I'll just think about the rain that's now falling outside my window, and wonder for the 150 million-th time, why I wasn't born in a warm country....

Oh yeah, and I better think about all this work that I am neglecting too!!!

Holiday romance...

I'm on holidays!  Not a computer nor a phone in sight.  Technology has been left behind in this beautifully slow paced country.

I haven't written anything since I got here even tho there has been plenty to inspire me.

But this morning I couldn't help myself....

I'm sitting having breakfast in the Ritz Hotel in Montego Bay.  A breakfast of fruit (so far) looking out past the beautifully landscaped garden, past the very still and inviting swimming pool, past the golden undisturbed (so far) sandy beach, looking right out at the blue/green calm sea with a few white tips.

I can see the sea through very tall palm trees moving ever so gently in the breeze thats coming in from the ocean, and they are framed by the brightest blue sky without one single cloud. I can see the horizon.  I know you are out there somewhere way past that!!

But that's not what made me want to write.

So back to my breakfast...not sure what to have next...so, not only am I having a feast and enjoying beautiful scenery...I'm being serenaded!!

Yes, serenaded, by a very handsome waiter with the brightest smile and a battered guitar, singing very gentle Jamaican music ( with a few 'classics' thrown in).  Oh the romance of it all...

I might have some pancakes next, I'm  staying here forever.

A bowl of porridge in my kitchen in Old Bawn seems very far away....

A story for Joan...

Once upon a time, there was a beautiful golden haired girl called Siobhan (What?...I'm writing this story, so I can be anything I like!!) who loved the sunshine.  Every morning without fail, even in the winter, she would jump out of bed (OK, that might be a slight exaggeration...) cross over the room high up in the tower in her castle (her 3 bed semi in Old Bawn!), pull open the curtains, roll up the blinds, brush away the cobwebs, throw open the shutters, wait for the cloud of dust to settle, then peer through the very clean (hmmm) window hoping to be greeted with beautiful sunshine... But, alas living in Ireland, usually 364 out of the 365 days of the year, she was disappointed. 

But she never gave up hope. 

One morning during her usual routine she noticed the Postman riding across the bridge over the moat that surrounded her castle...(Come on....use your imagination).  While hanging out the window to get a better look, (actually, her Postman is very trendy, he delivers his letters every morning whilst jogging!!) she noticed that he had a large pink sparkly envelope sticking out of his bag with her name on it (she has great eyesight!). That sight really brightened up her day and made up for the lack of sunshine, because she knew exactly who that letter was from.

It was from her friend who lived far far away in a very hot and sunny place called the Caribbean.  Siobhan knew that inside that big sparkly envelope (confession...they are really e-mails, not letters in pink envelopes) would be tales of magical breakfasts on Blue Mountain, while spotting celebrities at Strawberry Hill.  Tales of lazy days lying on the beach at Montego Bay.  Stories of amazing Jerk Chicken that had to be eaten for dinner.  Snippets of afternoons spent sitting by the pool drinking rum.  Weekends spent at Dunns river falls.  Days spent without wearing a cardigan.  (What!!  Not even one cardigan?  Never mind the hoodie the thermal vest the thick socks and the boots that are Siobhan's uniform at the moment!!)  What a life...

Siobhan shouted down to the Postman and he threw the eagerly awaited letter (and a kiss - I told you, it's my story!!).  As usual, this one told of the fabulous sunshine that Siobhan could only dream of....BIG SIGH...  This letter also mentioned afternoons spent wandering around Coffee plantations....having manicures and pedicures on the beach....visiting Bob Marley's museum...lying on the beach at Fort Clarence...checking out a rasta camp...going sailing...swimming at Dolphin Cove...all done while basking in beautiful sunshine and temperatures of 38 degrees...  How Siobhan envied her friend.

But this letter mentioned one more thing. 

A couple of weeks ago Siobhan had ridden around Ireland for charity, on her trusty mare 'Harley', (I know, I know, it was a bike, but that wouldn't fit in with the story).  Her far far away friend had promised to sponsor her and offered a bag full of gold coins.  Very generous.  This letter told how her her friend had collected all the coins and would now gladly part with them....but...(there's always a but)...Siobhan would have to come and get them herself!!! 

OMG, what a challenge! 

Siobhan fell out of the window in excitement!! (Right on top of the poor Postman who was still waiting for his kiss back...)

Well, never being one to shirk from a challenge, Siobhan picked herself up off the ground, ran up the winding stone staircase, dragged her trunk down from the turret (attic) in her castle, took her summer clothes out of moth balls (they have been there since that great summer in 1978) summoned her carriage (booked a flight on a British Airways jet) and is all ready now to eat Jerk Chicken....drink rum....do some lying on the beach...not wear a cardigan...run up blue Mountain...swim in Dolphin Cove...because she is going to...

JAMAICA!!

Only two more weeks of looking out the window and longing...

Proud to be Iri....Jedi?

Did I miss something?  Did I wake up and find that the recession is over and we are back to being a buoyant little country again?

Has this government worked so hard over the last year, that all our unemployment, fiscal and many other problems have been solved.

Have our government got everything so up to date that they no longer have to discuss:

State Finances
Unemployment issues
Pensioners Tax Liabilities
Household and Water charges
Etc, etc, etc...

These and many more issues that have dogged out little country for the past couple of years must have all been solved.  Because, yesterday in the Dail, the hot topic for discussion was the 'Jedi' religion.

One prominent TD who will remain nameless, (Eoghan Murphy, you know who you are), wanted to know how many Jedi Knights we have in Ireland.  And if we had enough Jedi Knights, would it be possible to have 'Jedi' officially as a religion in Ireland. 

The Central Statistics office are looking into it at the moment.  And they have assured the esteemed TD that they will send him on the figures from the latest Census.  (Apparently the official line is that 'Jedi' would be accepted as a religion, as the box on the census to be filled in for religion, is 'self declaration' so it's immaterial if the religion exists or not)  I'm very glad to see that our Central Statistics office are up to date with their work too.

I'm not sure it would be a good idea to have Jedi as a religion in Ireland.  Imagine if Darth Vader succeeded in taking over leadership of the Jedi Knights (as he has tried to on several occasions), we would then be back to having the leader of a religious order with a poor record when it comes to children and child abuse....

I thought I better get some feedback on this so I asked one of the more prominent Star Wars characters for a comment:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Jt1DYifbZ0s&feature=related

I think he was agreeing with me, but Google Translate doesn't do 'Wookie' so I am not quite sure about that either...

And now for something completely different!

I thought you might have had enough of me and my tales of babies bikers and breezes, so today I decided to treat (?) you to something different.

So, here's something that my Father wrote for his granddaughter, my seven year old niece Eliza.  Eliza, who was born and lives in London, has decided to take an interest in all things Irish, including Leprechauns and tales of folklore as told to her by her Grandad...

Unless you are Irish, or have some insight as to how my Father's brain works (I think we might need Prof Wiseman's help with that one!), then you may not fully 'get' the humour in this short story.  I really hope you do.  But, of course as with anything I post here that I don't write myself, I must issue a public health and safety warning before you attempt to read it!! 

WARNING:
The reading of this story may leave you never being able to take a goat or a Leprechaun (or me) seriously again.  So if you are a lover of all thing 'goat', then stop reading now.

You have been warned!!!


BILLY THE KID-GOAT, AND THE LEPRECHAUNS
A silly story by GRANDAD


Once upon a time there was an old man who lived alone on the top of a mountain in Co. Kerry.  His name was FESTY O'HOULIGAN and his mother had been a witch called NELLY (The belly) O'KELLY.  She owned a Deli, which was smelly.  That's why Festy moved to the top of the mountain.  


The mountain was named CARRANTOUHIL, which when translated means: ' the mountain with the cave on it where old Leprechauns go when they retire from minding the crock of gold and painting all the colours of the rainbow'.  There they play poker with the coins that 'fell off' the crocks that they were supposed to be minding.


Festy was a hermit, a man who wanted to live alone away from all the crowds and people of towns and villages.  His only friend was a big Puck Goat called GAROID (Gerry the Goat).  Now Garoid loved the mountain, and the plants and bushes that grew there, because this was, to a billy goat, a toy shop a sweet shop and a cake shop all rolled into one.  Garoid loved leaves, shoots, and sweet new branches which he chewed up with gusto.  He enjoyed just galloping all over the place and leaping over the bushes of gorse and clumps of heather.  He was especially fond of purple heather, which he felt was as good as any choc-ice that he licked from the wrappers left behind by the littering tourists down at the boreen (little road) car park.


Because Garoid was a fine big strong and handsome goat, he was just the sort of animal that the people of the nearby town wanted for their annual PUCK FAIR, a sort of big party held every year.  At this party they had a big boy-goat (A billy) high up on a platform where they crowned him 'King Puck'.  The goats did not like this at all, and they made great efforts not to be caught out on the mountain.  This year Garoid was the biggest and the most handsome of all the goats on the mountain, and Festy was determined that he would not be captured and be made King Puck.


Festy had a plan, and as soon as he heard the noise of the searchers at the foot of the mountain, he stopped his prayers and went in search of Garoid.  He found the billy-goat beside a very large clump of rocks playing with two sheep.  The sheep were twisting a long rope over and under and Garoid was skipping over it while the woolly fellas were chanting a skipping rhyme...


Umpa, Umpa, we have woolly Jumpas,
Goats, Goats have only hairy coats,
Pigs, Pigs can't do Irish jigs
Aon, Doh, Tree...skip along with me!


They were from the Gaeltacht at Sheep Head.


"Garoid" called Festy, "come here quickly, we have to hide you, cos the goat rustlers are out on the mountain".  The only place that Festy could think of as a hiding place for Garoid was the cave of the retired Leprechauns known to all the locals as 'Poul an Oir' (or in English, the 'Golden Hole').  Now the Society for Sick and Indigent Leprechauns, was very partial to Festy, and trusted him not to tell where the entrance was to their rest home, known as 'Cus in airde, thoin sios, (which means in English, 'feet up, bums down') Casino and Rest Home'.


Festy took Garoid to the back door which was down a rabbit hole and under the roots of a whitethorn tree, into the kitchen of the Golden Hole.  He was greeted by the chief Leprechaun, BIG EDDIE, who was the oldest and the meanest of the residents, and who was a tall as Festy's cat.  "Why are you bringing that smelly goat in here?  He will eat all our clothes and our beards and we will not be able to go to any of the international football matches!!  Besides we are going to hold and international congress of Leprechauns here next month and the Jewish and Arab and African Leprechauns won't want to stay here if we have a goat staying with us.  You can leave him if he promises not to head butt the Chef, and he lets us have his milk for cheese."  Both Garoid and Festy agreed, and Festy went back home.


In two days, Garoid had learned to play poker, and to cheat better than the little fellas did, so he won all their gold coins from them.  He was now King Puck in the Golden Hole and not very popular with the little men!  Big Eddie called a meeting of the council to find a way of getting back their money, and also getting rid of Garoid.  The meeting agreed that they should send Ruby, (the jockey Leprechaun) on their fastest rabbit to Donegal with a plea to their great friend Daniel (here's your tea Ma) Dullnote, who was an expert on dragging money from people, especially hairy people.  Daniel arrived by helicopter and landed on the mountain near Festy's cave, and was greeted by a salvo of 24 sheep bleats and 2 cow farts as he knelt to kiss the ground.  He spat out some sheep sultanas and set off for the Golden Hole.  


Daniel was greeted by Big Eddie and filled in on the currant goat situation.  Daniel knew right away how to resolve this dire problem.  He would sing...  Daniel cleared his throat, and the room. Skinny Sindey (the anorectic Leprechaun) disappeared into his beard and was never seen again.  Louis the Lip Leprechaun choked on his snail sandwiches (which came from the 'Smelly Deli').  The Chef (Cookie Chips) fell into the chip fryer and became the first deep-fried Leprechaun in Ireland.


When Garoid heard Daniel sing, he made a dash for the back door and in his haste forgot to gather his coins.  He had left them on the Tallboy in his room, but the Tallboy decided to keep the gold for himself.  Really, he was the smallest of the Leprechauns, but they called him Tallboy for short.


Garoid ran straight back to Festy's cave and when the hermit saw him coming he ran out to meet his missing goat.  In his haste he tripped over a snail that was running home from school to see Postman Pat on the Television.


Garoid picked up poor Festy and helped him back into his cave, where Festy hold him that it was now all right to go back out on the mountain and play with his woolly friends once more.  The Puck festival was over and the second class of a goat, which the festival had hoisted up instead of Garoid, had been released, and was now out on the mountain again and all would be safe for another year.


Now..
If you ever go to Carrantohil, and see some skipping goats
Don't ever mention Daniel for he wouldn't get their votes.
For all the hairy Leprechauns who live at Golden Hole,
lost all their golden income and are dependent on the dole.... 

Born to be wild!

692 miles, 30+ riders, 18 counties, 8 (or 9) hospitals, 4 (or 5) police escorts, several babies...and a partridge in a pear tree!!

Me, all the other riders, pillion passengers, and support crew, are home safe.  Although the last bit of the journey along the M7/N7 from Portlaoise to Dublin today wasn't the easiest of rides.  The cross winds were horrendous and even the more experienced drivers were complaining.  At one stage it was so bad that I contemplated getting off the bike and riding in one of the support cars.  But then I remembered little (tiny) Baby S that I had met on the first day and thought what would happen if she gave up.  She can't give up, so I thought I better not...  Even Joe said at one stage that it wasn't much fun, but he never complained about the Velcro like grip that kept me attached to him for most of the motorway driving.  I didn't dare let go!  But once we reached the relative shelter of town and were guided in along the north Quay then down Dame street by two Police bikes stopping the traffic and making noise, we forgot all about the wind, and enjoyed the ride, and the excitement, and the noise...!

So now I really have, been there, done that, and worn the tee-shirt.  Me, and the rest of the crew, were presented with 'Prem Baby Warriors' tee-shirts last night and they were proudly worn today by all and sundry.  At last I had some part of the uniform that wasn't borrowed!!

We had dinner at the Hard Rock cafe and then after many fond farewells (including one for my brother, who  leaves tomorrow and faces a drive of 300 miles home when he gets off the ferry) and plenty of hugs, I made my way home, on 4 wheels!

All that's left now is to unpack my bag and put away all my stuff.  What an anti climax.

I wiped clean my helmet and put it back into its protective bag.  I opened a wardrobe door to put it away and I wondered when would be the next time that I get to wear it again....

So, what did you learn from my experience??  :-)

The long and winding road...

Today, "The late JC" as the bikers fondly refer to him as, smiled on us and it was sunshine all the way.  That meant that I got to ride in leathers like a real biker instead of the very unflattering rain gear that I has been my uniform for the past two days. Obviously, I looked VERY cool!!

So, 14 counties, two more hospitals and several more babies.   One of the hospitals was presented with a 'syringe driver'. A machine thats keeps the babies intravenously fed a drip of glucose at a time until they are able to be fed in a normal way for a prem baby.  Again, it wasn't my turn to see the babies.   But my big brother, who is on this trip with me, did get to visit the prem unit.  Normally a man of many words (must be a Brennan thing), he had very few when he came out.  He swears that the baby he saw moved her hand when he waved at her as the nurse held her upright.  He was a bit emotional.   I know how he felt. 

While he was in there and the rest of the group were waiting outside, I was chatting to one of the riders who rides in a different group to mine.  He told me that he had had two prem babies.  Neither had survived.  I have no idea how to put into words how that must have felt/feel, so I am not going to try...

I also spoke to a lady this evening whose husband Liam, is on the trip, that had a prem baby 43 years ago.  She had to watch him develop through a glass window for the first month of his life.  She didn't get to hold him until he was a month old...again I have no words!  How times have changed.  She made me cry with her story, but she had endless praise for the nurses that, through their dedication, she got her baby home, on her second wedding anniversary, when the porter from the hospital cycled down to her house to tell her to bring her baby home.

So day three on the road.  I have decided that I don't like motorways on two wheels.  Normally when four wheels are at my disposal, a motorway would be my first choice, but on two wheels, they are just boring, and windy, and scary!

After our hospital visit this morning, we had a longish journey to get to the ferry, so having sorted the earphones for my iPod and the speakers for our communication device, and finally getting them comfortable under the helmet, I plugged myself in and off we set.  Being plugged in with the sound up, on the back of a bike, is very isolating, you are very detached from everything.  It wasn't unpleasant (except for the motorway bit) and I sat comfortably in my isolation until we stopped for lunch.

After lunch we had a shorter trip to the ferry at Tarbert so myself and Joe chatted on the radio.  At one stage we passed a wind farm.  I asked him to stop so that I could go in and tell them that some of their produce had escaped and it has been following me for the past two days!!!  He said we'd miss the ferry if we stopped...

Made the ferry in nice time and we were all very giddy, buying lollipops from the little kiosk on board and taking photos up on the top deck.  A very pleasant crossing, but No dolphins today tho'.

Another learning day!!  Today I learned:

That you need to make sure that all your hair is tucked in under your helmet as loose strands flapping in your face can be very annoying.

That no matter how hard you try, you cannot avoid helmet hair!

That you need to check that the zip on your leather trousers and the zip at the back of your jacket are compatible, other wise you can't zip them together and keep the draught out.  I had several offers of help with that problem from the bikers...hmmm...

That being isolated from the world with only my music and my thoughts was very good for me.

And last but not least, I really need to delete some of the rubbish that I have on my iPod!!!   :-)

Day two in the big brother house...

Yesterday, I had an amazing experience!  

I wasn't sure what, if anything, could top that! Well...today I had an equally as amazing but definitely the coolest experience ever, because this morning we were treated to a police escort through Letterkenny.   (That was after we had the guided tour of the town by Joe who couldnt find the hospital even with sat nav, he has been re-christened now asTom Tom McConville). Anyway the escort was VERY exciting.  30+ bikes all riding in formation with a policeman on a bike holding up the traffic at every junction and roundabout! I haven't seen the like of it since the Queen visited Ireland last summer!! The stopped traffice rose to the challenge and sounded their horns, which in turn set the bikers revving their engines.  The noise was incredible.  I had been pre warned not to be "plugged in" (listening to my iPod) as I would miss the excitement.  For once I was glad that I took somebody's advice.  Although even if I had been plugged in I don't think I'd have missed anything.  Did I mention that it was VERY exciting!

So, we visited three hospitals today but I didn't get to see any babies.  No, instead I got to see the reaction of the big hairy bikers that did get to visit the tiny creatures.  It was very funny to see big leather clad bikers being reduced to tears by a visit to helpless tiny tots...

So far on this trip we have passes through 11 counties. I noticed every so often yesterday and today, that Joe would take both hands off the wheel and stretch out his arms out wide.  Slightly concerned I asked him were his arms getting stiff?  He explained that on the route 66 trip across the US it was traditional to do this when you cross a state line.  So he has adapted the tradition for the county borders in Ireland.  Not to be outdone and always one to follow tradition (!!) I joined in.  So now we do both do it,Titanic-esq !!  He tells me that before we go home I have to stand up on the back and do it Leo and Kate esq.  Hmmm, there's more chance of me swimming the channel, and I'm a terrible swimmer!!


So what did I learn today?


The bikers bible of hand signals! (I'm still on the gospel according to Joe)

How to greet an oncoming biker - by sticking you leg out as one approaches! (I've been really friendly all day as my knees have been so stiff I have to keep moving them)

Not to undertake a police escort while talking on your iPhone!! (yes somebody did)


So, to Kerry tomorrow, on the Tarbert ferry and hopefully spot some Dolphins!

Now....slee....zzzz

Baby it's cold outside!

Today I had an amazing experience.  

Yes, I did 164 miles on the back of a Harley never having been on a bike before, but that wasn't it. No today I met an amazing little lady, Baby S, who is a resident I'd the Neo Natal intensive care unit in our lady of Lourdes hospital in Drogheda. She was born a week ago, at just 28 weeks and was completely oblivious to me staring in to the incubator at her.  She was oblivious too to the wind and rain and cold that we had ridden through to get to see her.  I, along with one other lucky girl were invited in to the unit to see just what the money we raised had paid for.  

When I decided to do this trip it was all about me.  A new experience for me. Something I had never done before. Yes I had to raise the money and yes, I knew it was for charity, but I didn't really give it much thought.  

Today, apart from Baby S I met another amazing lady Mary Tonbin, the sister in charge of the prem unit.  And unlike me, her every thought is about the babies.  She gave us a tour of her domain and answered every question before I had a chance to ask it.  Actually I probably wouldn't have been able to speak coherently as the whole thing made me very emotional. She explained how no baby goes home until they reach 2kilos.  2kgs! Thats still tiny! And how the machines help them to breath.  Myself and Emma were privileged indeed, as normally only parents and grand parents are allowed in. Mary made us feel very welcome and I would be very happy to put my most precious possession in her very capable and caring hands.  I was miserable and cold when I got there, after my baptism of fire wind rain and 40 foot trucks the m50, but I came out with a very warm heart. I thought of little (tiny in fact) Baby S and the way that I am sure she arched her eyebrow when Mary said her name, and was very happy to get back on the back of the bike.

So, As well as learning how the machines in a neo natal unit work to help the babies breath, I also learned that:

Bikers get respect, especially when they ride in formation of groups of ten. (I was riding with the road captain, so I get loads of respect!!)

I Also learned that it's not wind burn on my face and I've actually been sandblasted by the sh*t that's coming up of the road. (What SPF do I need for that?)

That you need to chose your earrings very carefully as apparently they need to go with your helmet!! And myself and the other biker lady on this trip got a demonstration of how to keep your earrings on from a big hairy biker!! (I lost both my earrings by the time we reached drogheda.)

That leather trousers are very uncomfortable...

I learned about the 'bring and fling' policy....no really...you don't want me to explain that one. (it relates to underwear)

That's it's hard to scratch your nose when your gloves are too big to fit in 
under your visor!

I'm riding 'bitch" and apparently that's a term of endearment. (but my jury is still out on that one).

And also, being on the road from 7.30 in the morning makes you very t.i.r.e...zzzz

One for the road...

Only three more sleeps, including tonight, 'till my bike trip.  Well, that's if I actually do get any sleep between now and Thursday.  I'm not sure if it's excitement or sheer terror that's keeping me awake these nights!!

But while I was lying awake staring at the ceiling counting sheep, (or is that counting sheep-like cobwebs) I had the bright idea that I would make myself a play list for my iPod, for the bike ride.  Of course while I am lying awake I can think of loads of tunes that would make great biking tracks, but eventually I doze off and then when I wake up, I can't remember any of them.  I keep meaning to leave a pen and paper beside my bed so that when I do have a eureka moment I can write it down.  But I am usually so tired I forget to!!

So, whilst having dinner with family and friends on Saturday night, I told them of my plan and (mistakenly) asked for some suggestions for suitable 'biker type' tracks.

After much discussion (arguments) the following were suggested:

Steppenwolf - Get your motor running.
Thin Lizzy - The boys are back in town.
Motorhead - The ace of spades.
ACDC - A whole lotta Rosie
(I can see a pattern forming here)
Ram Jam - Black Betty
Status Quo - Rocking all over the world.
(The pattern has just gotten a bit fuzzy)
And, any track by Dumpys Rusty Nuts!

I must have been a biker in a former life because I already have most of those on my iPod.  With the exception of Dumpys Rusty Nuts, who I had to 'You tube'.  But, to my surprise, I did actually know some of their stuff.  (I'll never admit to that in court).

But then, the plot thickened as it was then suggested that Harley drivers, or 'riders' as I should be calling would be more likely to listen to the following:

Westlife - You raise me up
Boys to Men - I'll make love to you....
Queen - Fat bottomed girls.
Abba - Fernando

(Fat bottomed girls!!!  I hope that wont be a reference to me when I am finished the trip)

Is somebody trying to tell me something, are Harley Riders not the big burley 'hard' men that I think they are.  Well I will let you know when I find out on Thursday.  I hope I am not disappointed, buecause I'll never learn to sing those songs by Thursday.  (I can do a good version of The Boys are back in Town - but that might be just while I am counting those cobwebs).

Anyway, I did remember one track that is definitely going on my 'Tripping' list.  It's this one:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6yCIDkFI7ew

It's my 'headworm' at the moment, which is good, because I think it makes a really good biking track....I can just see myself....rolling down the highway....wind in my hair (the bit that's sticking out from under my helmet)...sun shining....singing at the top of my voice...

Oh wait, it's Ireland, the forecast is rain, and we don't have any highways....oh well, back to counting the cobwebs....

Sweet Dreams.

Professor Wiseman (yes, that really is his name!), of Hertfordshire University in the UK, has developed an App that will induce sweet dreams….

According to Mr Wiseman getting a good night’s sleep and having pleasant dreams will boost your productivity, and are essential for psychological and physical well-being.  Jeez did we really need a wise professor to tell us that?  He wants to find out why we dream and how we can provoke pleasant dreams.

Anyway, apparently you download this App and it turns your iPhone or iPad into a dream factory.  Loads of people are talking part in his experiment.  The App plays you sounds which are designed to make you think of pleasant scenes such as… lying on a beach…golden sand all around…the sound of the sea ebbing back and forward gently…not a cloud in the sky…a cocktail in one hand… a book in the other…the sun beating down on you….oops nearly dozed off there!!

So, you go to his university, you lie down, an iPad or iPhone plays you peaceful pleasant sounds, you go asleep, dream a lovely dream, and then you wake up and tell Mr Wiseman all about it!!  No wonder thousands of people have volunteered!

You can download the app from iTunes, go on try it, now, while you are working.  You can tell your boss that you are taking part in a very important experiment.

I should have been a professor, because that would be a great experiment to take part in or even conduct.  Oh well, I can daydream…

Gosh, I hope nobody invents an App for monitoring daydreaming, ‘cos I’d really be in trouble!!

Should I stay or should I go?

I read yesterday that there were along with all the others, 353 female passengers, 3 barbers, four priests and a monk on board the Titanic when it sank on its maiden voyage.   It’s, apparently, a common held superstition among sailors that women, red heads, flowers, priests and dogs are bad luck, and some old time sailors would suggest that the cumulative effect of all these on board the doomed ship, angered the sea so much that it caused the terrible tragedy. 

And it’s a well-known fact that a lot of Airlines don’t have a row 13 on their fleet of Airplanes because of passenger’s superstitions, and it’s also suggested that air travel drops dramatically on a Friday 13^th.

Believe it or not, If you are travelling on a train, you are supposed to stop talking when passing under a railway bridge because it is unlucky no to do so.

Apparently too, there’s a legend that tells of Evil Road Spirits that have been latching themselves on to motorcycles for as long as there have been bikes on the road. These Evil Road Spirits are responsible for mechanical problems and bad luck along a journey. Legend goes on to say that by attaching a small bell onto your bike, the Evil Road Spirits will become trapped inside the bell where the constant ringing drives them insane, making them lose their grip until they fall to the ground. (So that’s where potholes come from?) Legend also has it that the mystery of the Guardian Bell carries twice as much power when it is purchased by a friend or loved one and given as a gift.

Also, another well know superstition is that anyone embarking on any sort of journey by whatever means should never look back once they set off, as this will mean bad luck for the rest of the day.  There are hundreds of other seeming senseless superstitions associated with travel all over the world. Like for example if you are Russian, you must sit on your luggage.  If you are Scottish you must leave by the same door that you came in.  If you were from the Philippines you would have to turn your dinner plate in a clockwise direction before you set out on a journey.  In Mexico you have to put your luggage on the front door step the night before you travel.  Try doing that in Tallaght!!  Jeez…If we were to believe them all or to carry out all the rituals associated with them before we went anywhere, then we would never go anywhere.

Last night I went (without doing any rituals) to a meeting of my new ‘biker’ friends.  We were meeting to have a safety briefing and be put into our groups and to get our itinerary.  When all the official stuff was finished I was presented with my very own ‘guardian angel’, in the form of a little metal pin.  Apparently I can’t go on the bike without it.  I was really pleased, I feel like I have been ‘accepted’ and I am one of the gang now.  They all wear an angel or a bell somewhere on their bikes and I have to wear mine pinned to my jacket while on our journey! 

But it’s OK, I’m not superstitious.  I’ll wear it! It won’t take me long to put it on, just a couple of seconds after I… make sure it’s not a Friday 13^th….spill water for good luck….clean the house….throw salt over my shoulder….make sure my underwear is not inside out….get a bird to poo on me…. find a four leafed clover…tie a bunch of mint around my wrist….put my lucky coin in my pocket….find a black cat…

Hair raising!

I don't have great hair.  I have lots of it, but it's not great.  Every day it's a challenge as it has a mind of its own.  It's always a running battle between me, several 'wonder' products, the hairdryer and the straightener to see who will win.  Victory is occasionally mine, but it is usually as short lived as my glossy locks when the life of the products wears out and the straw that I was born with returns with a vengeance!

Not being blessed with long glossy locks,  most days are 'bad hair days' for me.  But yesterday was the worst!!  Because not only did I have the ordinary everyday follicle problems to contend with, I also had a new style thrust upon me that I could do nothing about....."Helmet Hair".

I had my first lesson on the bike yesterday, and  I am not impressed.  I know I tried the helmet on in the shop but it wasn't on me for very long so my hair stayed (sort of) intact.  But yesterday I reached all new 'bad hair day' heights.  Actually it wasn't high at all, it was flat, flat and stuck to my head making me look like I had been....em.....well.....eh, wearing a helmet!  None of the other bikers seemed to care, perhaps because they were a bit more 'follicle - y' challenged than me! So now, on my four day Charity trip around Ireland, I not only have to cope with sitting still for hours on end without talking, I will also have to cope with bad hair days!!

But my lesson around the racing circuit yesterday, wasn't a complete disaster, I learned loads.  I now know how to be safe on the bike.  I know how to board and disembark, I know where the emergency exits are, I know what to do in the case of an emergency.  I also learned that falling asleep on the back of the bike is dangerous (as if!!)  and most importantly, not to ask the driver "are we there yet" every three minutes while he is concentrating on driving the bike....

But all joking aside, I actually surprised myself and wasn't as nervous as I thought I would be, and even got so comfortable that I was able to move around on the seat so that I wouldn't get stiff.  I learned how to keep my legs moving, safely, so that they won't seize up from siting in the one position for too long.  I also learned that I don't have to lean over as far as I though I would and that the bike most of  the work when going around corners.  He (Joe, the Rider) also showed me how to stand up on the back to relieve the stress on my knees, but I didn't quite have the courage to do that.  He assures me that after the first day, I will be doing that every hour.  I love his optimism!!  We did get the bike up to cruising speed of about 60km (well it is a Harley after all and not a racing bike) and that was just about enough for me.   It was a lovely day and it did feel quite pleasant to have the wind whipping around me.  Joe did tell me tho' that the bike could do 120km and he would do that speed if he had to overtake a truck on a motorway.  Yikes!  That made my hair stand on end!  Obviously metaphorically speaking, as in reality it was jammed to my head by the helmet!

Except for the hair bit, I am now beginning to actually look forward to this trip.

Anyway it's such a beautiful day today, so who cares about hair and it's problems.  I am going to sit here, outside on my decking, in the rare and beautiful sunshine and just enjoy it....

(while the sun bleaches my hair.....and dries it out......and makes it fuzzy..... and makes it stand on end.....I give up!!!)

Fund raising or intimidation?

I am now the proud owner of a white with a black stripe (needs a bit of customising), extra small (which is still I bit too big), open faced (so I can wear a bandanna), with detachable sun visor (in case I want to wear trendy shades instead), Nitro motorbike helmet!!

Now what in the world would I need that for I hear you ask.  Well, for those of you that don't already know, I am taking part in this event:

http://irishprematurebabies.com/index.php?option=com_content&view=article&id=88&Itemid=99

I know, I know, I must be mad!!  But it was one of those things that happened on the spur of the moment (in a Pub, very late, after several drinks) and then I found that I couldn't (didn't really want to) back out of.

My brother has very kindly offered to lend me all the protective 'gear' that I need from a Motorcycle  training school he is involved with, but I was advised to buy my own helmet, for safety reasons.  And the advice I was given when I went to look for a helmet was, "If you have a cheap head, then buy a cheap helmet..."  So, obviously, my Nitro helmet was VERY expensive.

Of course, I don't have a motorbike or a motorbike licence, nor can I ride one, so I am going on this trip as a Pillion passenger.  I will be in the safe hands of a very experienced 'Rider' who has done many trips across the US on the Route 66 expedition.  But even tho' he is very experienced, I am not, and I do have to learn how to ride as a passenger, safely.  So I will be spending my day off on Saturday, going round the racing track, where I sometimes work with the Grid Girls, being instructed on how to move from side to side at the same time as the Rider, and how not to fall off!!  I am not going to think about it until I am actually on the bike.  And even then, I might have to think about something else.... but I'm not afraid.....or worried....or nervous....or scared.....or wondering can I get a flight to Outer Mongolia late on Friday night....I'll let you know how it goes!

I also had to do some fund raising to get the money together to go on this trip.  That was interesting, as I had never done anything like that before.  I started with a Pub Quiz, which after a lot of begging, cajoling, and threatening I got a good few tables together and we had a reasonably successful night.  I'm glad that I wasn't answering the questions, because some of them were really hard.  One of the questions was:  How far away is the Moon?  The best answer?  "Not that far, because I can see it...."

I'm not quite finished with the fund raising yet as we didn't reach our target, but I still have a few more ideas up my sleeve to raise the extra funds, like, looking down behind the sofa for the change that collects there, selling my first born, or telling my family I will come and stay with them unless they pay up, or singing for my supper, and last but not least, probably issuing more threats...  I'll try not to intimidate anybody, and I'll let you know how that goes too!!

And speaking of fund raising.....I'm off now to read a 'hot off the press' article about a €250M Tribunal, a Former Taoiseach, an Irish Politician (or several), Planning Permission, intimidation, and an unaccounted for €165.000 (that was just resting in his account)... you couldn't make it up....