My horse, my horse, my kingdom for a.....Nissan Micra??

Read this today, had to share it...

"Police in Trim were called to a house at Ballycarn, Enfield, at 9am on Sunday morning, 22nd May, to investigate damage to a 1999 Tipperary-registered red Nissan Micra. The car had its window smashed and there was an apparent attempt to break the steering lock.

It is alleged that two men broke into the car but were unable to start it before they fled the scene to a neighbouring property where they saw a 'horse outside'.

Trim Police, while at the Ballycarn house, were called to the neighbouring property and were told that a brown mare 15-plus hands high was missing.

The horse was spotted shortly afterwards on the old N4 with the two men on its back heading "east, towards Dublin" a Police spokesman said".

Personally (not that I am encouraging crime!) I think they chose the more powerful option....

The Rubberbandits will be proud of them!!

The old one's are the best...

A senior citizen drove his brand new BMW Z4 convertible out of the car salesroom.   Taking off down the motorway, he floored it to 120mph; enjoying the wind blowing through what little hair he had left on his old napper.

"Amazing!" he thought as he flew down the M4, enjoying pushing the pedal to the floor even more.  Looking in his rear view mirror, he saw a police car behind him, blue lights flashing and siren blaring.

"I can get away from him - no problem!" thought the elderly man as he floored it to 140mph, then 150 then 160. Suddenly, he thought, "What on Earth am I doing? I'm too old for this silly nonsense!"  So he pulled over to the side of the road and waited for the police car to catch up with him. 

Pulling in behind him, the police officer walked up the driver's side of The BMW, looked at his watch and said, "Sir, my shift ends in 10 minutes. Today is Friday and I'm taking off for the weekend. If you can give me a reason why you were speeding, that I've never heard before, I'll let you go." 

The old man, looked very seriously at the policeman for a moment and then replied, "Years ago my wife ran off with a policeman. I thought you were bringing her back." 

"Have a good day, Sir", said the policeman.

Dog gone...

It was a long day today,
at the office, late I had to stay.
so much to do,
a lot to get through
and all must be done without delay!

To get home I really just can't wait
it seems forever since the last time I ate
I'm dreaming of food
and am really in the mood
to pile it all up on my plate.

At last I'm sitting down to eat
and just about to put up my feet
A caller to my door
is sent away with a roar
And I quickly come back to my seat

Oh no, my dinner has vanished
how can this be, I am famished
The dog's missing too
Oh no, what did he do
while on the door step I languished?

I don't know whether to cry or to laugh
He has eaten my dinner so fast
So its a sandwich for me
with a cold cup of tea
and into the garden the dog has been cast!

(He may never be let back in again.....ever!!)

MIDDLE AGE TEXTING CODES:

For those of you who have teenagers and cant understand either what they are talking about or what they are texting, I have found some useful codes more suitable for the slightly older person.

ATD -at the doctor.
BFF -best friend fell.
BTW -bring the wheelchair. 
BYOT -bring your own teeth. 
FWIW -forgot where I was.
GGPBL -gotta go, pacemaker battery low. 
GHA -got heartburn again. 
IMHO -is my hearing aid on? 
LMDO -laughing my dentures out. 
OMMR -on my massage recliner. 
ROFLACGU -rolling on floor laughing and can't get up. 
TTYL -talk to you louder!


and my favourite


ICT - I can't text.

Drawing the Dole!

You know when you go to a Movie, and it's a Hostage situation in a big building, and the hostages are all huddled together, terrified crying and pregnant, in a room with only one entrance/exit which is guarded by a non English speaking very nasty looking manic 'baddie' with a HUGE gun or has dynamite strapped to him.  But actually he is not really bad and is just upset because his mother is 96 and a half and she always wanted to live in this building (even 'tho it's the City Morgue) and no one will let her...

Or...

It's a Disaster situation with people, all of whom are sick and claustrophobic, trapped in a building with only 4.32 minutes of air left before they suffocate.  And there are no windows and all the doors have been locked by a computer which is counting down to self destruct, because some horrible nerdy IT person had a grudge against the owner/builder of the fabulously modern skyscraper that the film is set in.  Everything is set to self destruct in 4.32 minutes because the IT person programmed it that way. And he did that because the owner of the building wouldn't let him have complete authority to automate the whole building with only him at the controls.  And 4.32 is the amount in billions that he calculated he would have made, by selling his building automation programme, if only he had been allowed to used this building as his showcase...

Or...

It's a Survival situation with people stranded in a remote location and need to find a safe place to shelter away from the impending snow storm and glacier melting and solar eclipse which will block the suns rays and cause everything to freeze in less then 10 seconds. So they need to find a building with a room that has no doors and windows for the snow or frost to penetrate. And the only person who can speak is blind and the only person that isn't blind can't speak. (Does that mean there is only two of them - I'm confused!) So they have to do everything loudly in Braille....

And then...

In comes the Hero, it's either Bruce (Hostage) who just happens to know the old woman because he used to be her hairdresser...

Or...

Denzel (Disaster) who used to be the IT programmer's Math teacher when he was small, and knows that he is rubbish at Math, and the real total of his billions should be 43.2...

Or...

Harrison (Survival) who was the last person to survive a terrible blizzard of hail stones in the shape of the Braille alphabet...

And they immediately take control of the situation.  They call for their trusty assistant to locate the drawings of the building so that they can figure a way in, out, round, through, over or under the problem.  Now I always thought that it was a huge co-incidence that they just happened to find a drawing lying around that was exactly the one that they needed to save the day.  I never believed that such drawings existed.

Well....

They do.  And I have spent the last 3.5 days folding and filing them.  Believe me there is a drawing for every single 'mm' of the Building.  And they have to be filed in such a way so that they can be easily found. If you folded and filed one the wrong way round, they somebody could be stuck in an elevator for days while the relevant drawing is located.

I can now find my way around the Terminal Building by using just the wiring for the light switches as a guide.  I can also find all the emergency exits by using the plumbing network. So therefore, I would have to be the heroine in the Movie now and Bruce, Denzel or Harrison would not be able to save the day without my expert knowledge of the drawings....

I really need a new job!!

Inspiring

When I was a very small girl, my parents had trouble getting me to eat.  So to encourage me, my Father would tell me that  if I didn't eat I wouldn't grow big and on a windy day he would have to put weights in my pockets so that the wind wouldn't blow me away.

Well today I could have done with those weights as I was literally blown into the road, and only for the very quick reaction of an observant motorist, I wouldn't be here now writing this and my Father would have been able to say "I told you so".

I was in a hurry to get home, but not in that much of a hurry!  I was trying to get home to see the latest visitor to our small Island speak.  I wanted to go into the city to see him speak, but unfortunately (!) I had to work.  But I did  make it home just in time to hear him deliver his much anticipated speech.

Mr President really is an awe inspiring speaker.  He spoke about the relationship between our two great nations and how we should listen to our Fore Fathers. He also said if you need somebody to write well, hire an Irishman!  He even had a 'Cupla focal as Gaeilge'.  'Is Feidir Linn' being the bit that got the best applause.  He is now officially Barack O'Bama!!

I have been so inspired by him, that tonight I am going to listen to my (fore) Fathers much offered advice.  Tonight I am going to have two dinners...

Can you Bee-lieve it??

I thought she had stolen some antlers from a poor unsuspecting deer!
A friend thought an alien had landed on her head.
My brother thought it was an antenna for a radio she had hidden under her coat.
Someone else said she looked like a character from a Dr Who eposode.

The media likened it to a twizzler, and others were calling her the fifth Telly-Tubby!

Princess Beatrice has sold 'The Hat' on e-bay for €93,000!
So there is another person out there crazy enough to wear the 'creation'. I take my hat off to them....(Sorry, I just couldn't resist that one!!)

PS...

GO LEINSTER!!!

:)

Good morning America!!

Oh the excitement.

The M50 was very dangerous this morning, with gale force winds and driving rain. Traffic was dow to 50km per hour. Oh no I'm going to be late, and they are closing the roads at 09.00. I feel nervous driving...

Hello Boys! The Army and the Gardai are everywhere. I hope I can find my ID. Nervous again...

I just washed my hair too. It will be ruined now as I have to run across the big wide main road in the airport to get to my building. On a good day it is windy, so today will be horrible.

Had to park right down the back of the car park today, lots of cars around. So further for me to run in the driving rain. My clothes will be soaked. I feel annoyed!!

So now I'm sitting at my desk with windswept hair and soaking wet clothes. I feel miserable.

But it was all worth it, because I just saw Airforce One land!!! No more nerves, no more annoyance, no more misery, just excitement!!

Say hello and wave goodbye

Goodbye to Lizzie,hello to Barrack,
Will we ever get our Capital's streeets back?
It's with jest I complain
I am really glad that they came
And they put our little country back on the map!!

Interesting facts!

I have just read some marketing survey results, left lying around by the other member of this household, which were part of an exam that he took today.

The title of one such survey is 'Male Usage of Toiletry Products by Age'.

There are so many comments that I could write here, but I will just let the results speak for themselves.

                         Total         15-35          35-54          55+            
Deodorant          69%          89%            68%           35%
Shower Gel        55%          75%            50%           27%

There was another section of the exam that was entitled 'Understanding Consumer Behaviour'.  The people in that section definitely need to get in touch with the people who answered the questions to the Male Toiletry survey.

Note to myself:  The next time I am using public transport, don't sit beside any male that looks 55 years of age or older!!

       

Lady in waiting

This day has turned into one big day of 'Stress'.

A big thank you to Her Majesty for keeping me waiting for an hour on the M50 this morning. It's all right for her, she has her big comfortable car to travel in and people to talk to.  I just have my little car and only me, it was very lonely out there on the big motorway even tho' I was surrounded by thousands of other people in the same situation.

I tried getting a sing-song going, but nobody would join in, so after the first verse of Killer Queen, I gave up...

Well Hello, Lizzy...

She finally arrived.  And didn't she look swell in her Emerald Green outfit, what a nice gesture, even if she did look a bit like an Aer Lingus hostess!

If only the guy who was protesting against her visit was given the same good advice about what to wear.  He arrived to protest against the Queen of England visiting, wearing a Manchester United football shirt.

The word 'Eejit' comes to mind, I am sure he would understand that, but I wonder would he understand the word 'irony'...?

What they say....

A bunch of school kids were asked to prepare questions for the Queen when she visits:

Some of the Questions:

"How many trap doors does she have in her Castle?"


"Does she have skeletons in her Dungeon?"

And my favourite: (from a little girl...obviously!)

"Is her bike pink?"


I'd like to hear the answer to the one about the skeletons.....

The calm after the Storm (troopers)

The Jedi are all gone home.

The aftermath of the 'Force' is left.  And there's only me Yoda, left to clean it up.

But I don't mind, now I can listen to real music, not that Eurovision stuff which hurt my ears!

I just hope I don't find a stray Wookiee behind the couch.....

What's another year?

I don't often watch the TV, but tonight I am making an exception.

The nine o clock news will be on RTE shortly, but I'm not watching that!
Chanel four are showing a fly on the wall documentary, but I'm not watching that?
BBC 2 are showing an educational programme, but I'm not watching that.

Tonight I'm watching the Eurovision Song Contest!!

It's a long time since I've watched this programme, what time is Johnny Logan on...

I missed you!

Blogger was down for 20.5 hours.  And they are still working on it!

So today, I had to resort to Facebook to publish my zany rantings.  I don't really 'do' Facebook, so I wasn't prepared for the terrible things I discovered today.   I need to get new friends, something strange has happened to my old one's.  I have searched and searched Facebook, but I can't find the cause of this strange phenomenon.    

My friends have all turned into 'Jedi', they are discussing types of hair gel and suddenly reminding each other to wear lipstick.....

I'm so glad Blogger is back, please don't go away again.  I didn't feel safe on Facebook!

Water water everywhere...

The water is back!
The ducks are back!
And the children in their wellingtons are back!


A thought just struck me.....I wonder where the fish went when there was no water in the riverbed......? :-)

Quiz for today!

What word grouping contains:


5 boy's names, 
1 girl's name, 
2 makes of car, 
1 unit of measurement, 
4 place names, and 
1 Shakespeare play?


And if you are such a clever clogs and know the answer to this.....then name them, all 26 of them, (without checking Google)!

Cead Mile Failte...

Apparently Failte Ireland have made a huge mistake by calling The Queen by the wrong title.  They demoted her to Princess status by calling her "Her Royal Highness" instead of "Her Majesty" on some of the radio adverts welcoming her to Ireland.

But it's OK, 'one' wasn't upset.  It was all a storm in a bone-china teacup!

Imagine the gale force if 'one' heard what we really call her......

I came prepared!

I'm back at T2.  Seem to be going backwards a lot these days.

More familiar faces, happy to see me.

I haven't been here since December, and it's great to be back.  Very different now, only a few 'soldiers' left standing.  And these poor soldiers are so battle weary that they seem to have forgotten how to do anything!

Thankfully, I have arrived just in time......to make the tea......lucky I brought my hard hat!

I am in a different building to the one I was in the last time, only a short distance away from the Terminal, but, so far, I haven't seen or heard an aeroplane.  Very strange.

Maybe they are waiting for me to sort those too.....lucky I brought my hi-vis jacket and ear plugs!

They seem to have the same trouble here with that white machine that lives underneath the worktop in the kitchen, I'll have to give them a demonstration......lucky I brought my sense of humour!!!

To read or not to read

I got into my car and drove to work this morning!  What a treat!

No searching frantically before I go out for my bus pass.
No running across the road, dodging the traffic to get to the bus stop.
No standing at the stop, waiting patiently, hoping it comes on time.
No jostling with the other passengers to board the bus.
No ear piercing screams hugging and endless mindless chatter from the school children.
No more having to listen to the annoying tinny sound of other peoples iTunes because they have the volume on their iPod's turned up too high.
No more stopping and starting and endless ringing of the bell.
No jostling with the other passengers to disembark from the bus.

Just the peace and quite of my own car and Hector on the radio, entertaining me.

The only downside? I don't get to read.....

First day on the job!

Lots of noise, fast moving, constant tweak-ing, high maintenance, lean machines!  Those 'Grid Girls' are harder work than the bikers!

But it's not easy to be there, at the top of the grid, with high winds, unruly umbrellas, mechanics, pit crews, film crews, spectators, riders and high powered motorbikes to negotiate.  Then there is the constant smiling, shaking hands, kissing the winners and posing for photographs.  And all that after you have squeezed yourself into the tiniest costume known to man and at the same time balancing on the highest heels imaginable!  Also, you can't eat much in case a bulge appears in the Lycra!  We won't mention drinking....

They also conversed on several subjects that I didn't understand, hair extensions, liquid foundation, body suits that don't show through Lycra!

I'm glad I was 'not the right age or height' to be considered.  I had a much better time standing on the side lines with my warm jeans, coat and sunglasses on, holding their coats, which had to be discarded before they went on to the track. Holding their lip gloss, which had to be applied before they went on to the track and holding their mobile phones, which had to be checked before and after they went on to the track!  I was just watching, enjoying the buzz, involved, but not participating!

I did have fun, although somehow, I think organizing the bikers in the pit lane would have been an easier job...

Gone, again!

My last day having lunch at the dock today, it rained a little but I braved it!  I didn't want to miss anything.

Next week I'll miss the sporty looking guy in the canoe, going round and round hugging the edge.  Does he stay close to the edge so that he doesn't roll over?  I'll miss the man on the bike with the dog, who dives in after the stick his master throws, and then jumps out and shakes dock water all over my sandwich.  I'll miss the ducks gliding by, sticking their heads under every so often to see what's underneath.  How on earth do they see anything in that murky water?  I'll miss the Viking Splash Tours, with the embarrassed tourists in their silly hats listening to the history lesson that the noisy guide is giving them.  I'll miss sitting there reading!

Oh well, it's off for a new adventure next week...I wonder where I'll be having my lunch?

Is that it?

Quote of the day from Bob Geldof on the subject of the Internet:

"Everybody has got the means to say things, but nobody has got anything to say"


He obviously hasn't been reading my blog...

It worked!

Whats this strange sound I hear,
It's like sweet music to my ear!
Against the window pane
I think I hear rain!
At last, I say with a big cheer!

(Does this mean I can stop dancing now....)

Baffled by science!

You know I'm working in an office where the population is 95% male?  Well these are all highly skilled, trained and specialised engineers.   Every day there is some new course or skill update posted on the office intra-net.  They also have 'Lunch and Learn' sessions every so often to keep each other informed of new developments.  They have every conceivable hi-tech tool and complicated gadget to aid them in their work and research, which they can use with ease.

But there is one piece of 'technology' that has them all stumped!!

At lunchtime you can see them as they nonchalantly wander towards it and leave a used item close by it and then skulk away hoping nobody saw them.  Or sometimes you can see a couple of them huddled together standing near it, looking scared, wondering what would happen if they attempted to use it!  But mostly they just put the items beside it and run, looking over their shoulder while making their escape, making sure nobody saw them and will realise that they can't use it!

Funny how the girls have no trouble with it, and can open and close it quite easily.  And sometimes we stand beside it and chat over it, showing no fear.  Well after all, it is only a dishwasher....

Rain dance!

I know I give out about the rain,

and most times it's really a pain

Am I gone mad?

No, I'm just a bit sad

And I'll never grumble again!

I went back to the park today,
and from the path I just had to stray
there is something awry
the riverbed is dry
And now it's for rain that I pray!!

So lets hope it showers on us soon
But I don't really want a typhoon
Just enough rain
to fill the riverbed again
And we can have the sunshine back again in June!!

April Showers?

A note from the weather man today,
says we will have some rain now it's May,
April has been,
to the tropics akin,
But its back to the drizzle I dare say!

Where did it go?

I've cleared the debris that the winter has left behind from my garden, so it's ready for sitting in!

I've cleared the 'organic' debris that the dog has left behind from the decking, so it's ready for sitting on!

I've cleared the moss from the garden furniture, so it's ready for eating off!

I've cleared the pots of all the weeds that have grown in them over the winter, so they are ready for planting.

And last but not least, I've put up the umbrella (it doesn't seem so long since I put it away)so now I am ready for the summer!

So where is it gone, it was here yesterday...typical!!