Thank you!

Me again!  And so soon I hear you say.

Well I know that somebody read my blog last week and took note of my excuses, because the result is that I now have a super little keyboard that attaches to my iPad (which I’m using now) very kindly supplied by Mam and Dad, so that I have no excuses for not blogging!   Thanks very much for that.  So now you lot also have them to thank for having to read this.  Ha!

Well this is not working out well for me, as I thought I had the perfect excuse now for doing nothing. I don’t have to feel guilty for sitting on the couch for hours on end and I don’t have to feel guilty for being grumpy or for not making dinner or for not walking the dog when he demands it, cos I can just pull the ‘I’m sick’ card.   But it doesn't look like I'm going to get away with that, especially in Rusty's case, as has no interest in listening to any excuses that mean he doesn't get round the park...

But I'm not too bad at the moment and I am doing as well as can be expected in the circumstances.  I have two Toxic Tuesdays under my belt now and I just have to get used to the fact that I can’t always do things at the same speed as I used to, and by all accounts I will get slower and more tired as the weeks go by.  I amazed at how quickly my energy levels have already dropped.  I do still have some very good days but on others I feel like I’m either drunk or hungover, without the pleasure of actually having a drink I might add, and that I feel like I'm doing everything in slow motion.  For example, in normal circumstances I’d shout up the stairs to Tall Kevin “I’m just running out to Tesco, back in about 30 minutes”.  (Small Kevin comes with me as he is attached to my bag).  I now have to change that announcement to “I’m just walking in what seems like slow motion out to Tesco, back in about 3 hours”.  And I can’t just grab one of those pull along trolleys and dash up and down the aisles, trying to avoid the people who are not dashing about, because now I’m one of the not dashing about people.  I find I have to stop once in a while and lean on the trolley or against one of the shelves for a minute.   Although I will have to stop doing that in the Wine aisle or I’ll be permanently banned from Tesco!

Rusty, on the other hand, is very happy that I’m slower and that it takes me an hour to get round the park now instead of the usual 30 minutes, which means he gets to sniff thousands more blades of grass and pee on every tree instead of every second one.

They who must be obeyed (Nurse Mary and her band of Oncology Nurses) tell you to keep doing as much as you can as normal, and I’m adjusting slowly to my new pace.

On the clinical side of things, and I won’t bore you with blood counts and tingling feet and the metallic taste in my mouth nor will I mention the large bag of drugs and an instruction manual on their use that I have to have hanging round at all times.  But I will tell you that I have had a port-a-cath line inserted into my chest so that there is no more rooting around in my veins every week to fit a cannula.  It was a strange process all done under X-ray technology.  I had a little plastic gadget slipped in under my skin and attached to a vein in my neck, so now I just get ‘plugged in’ when I go for my treatment.  It’s like being in a science fiction movie, except unfortunately, it’s not fiction.  They told me it's all made from plastic so it won’t set off the alarm bells off when you go through security at airports.  How ironic as I’m not allowed to go to an airport to test it out and it will be removed way before I am allowed to fly again!  But it does make it much easier on me and NM, who I’m actually looking forward to seeing every week now, just so I can plot ways to disobey her!  I do plot, but I never seem to have the energy to follow through on my ideas.  So basically I go in there and do exactly as I’m told, and there's no way I’d get away with doing anything I shouldn’t as they are very good at putting me to sleep.  I think that’s because they know I’m plotting and they like to get the better of me.

In fairness, I am giving NM a bit of bad press that she, nor any of the other nurses that look after me, don’t really deserve.  They are the kindness bunch of people that I have every met.  There are no ‘Superhero’s’ allowed into NM’s oncology suite.  All capes and underpants must be left hanging on a peg outside the door.  They only want people who are human and allowed to feel a little sorry for themselves every once in a while.  I did try that the first day I was in there, but when they saw me upset and then suddenly there were four people in blue scrubs standing around me with concerned faces, I thought I better not try that again!  I mistakenly thought my tears might get me another cup of coffee or an extra biscuit to cheer me up, not the company of four concerned nurses!

Work have been very supportive to me too. There’s no issues with days off, or an hour here and there for a ‘nap’ when I need it.  It’s good to know they are in my corner.  In fact it’s good to know that I have so many people in my corner, family and friends alike, and I’d like to thank every one of them for their support, and all the lovely flowers, gifts, books, cards and words of encouragement that I have received over the last few weeks.  Sometimes it’s a bit overwhelming and I may forget to thank people properly.  I know that they are probably reading this, so a big THANK YOU to everybody, and I want you all to know that I have no favorites, each and every one of you has the same very high status in my book, the one that I haven't written yet!  (But I will add tho’, that I’m especially fond of the one’s that bring food!!)

For those of you that I haven't seen for a while and were confused about my last post, I should have mentioned that I have breast cancer.  

For now, my mood and the pea soup (the brain) are in good shape.  Let's hope that they don't get diluted or too toxic over the next few weeks....