This place has been very quiet these last few weeks!....It's been a long wait since she last appeared, it was New Year's Eve, almost five weeks ago, the last time she treated us to her specialty!!...The crowd are anticipating a very entertaining evening, but then, it always is when she is around....The house is packed, (well it's Mortons, so that means there are three people there, including the bar man)....
At last, it's time....Suddenly, the MC (Alan the barman) shouts at the top of his voice over the thronging masses: "And now, what you have all been waiting for.....WILL THE REAL JOAN MURPHY* PLEASE STAND UP?" (Actually, that's a rough translation, what he really said with a heavy sigh, was: Lads, mind your beer....she's back!)
The music starts with a drum roll (waking Seamus** who was asleep at the end of the bar) and is loud and full of energy....The lights come on (jeez....just look at those cobwebs), OMG the excitement (they usually only get this excited when a new flavour of crisps is introduced)....And...Then...as if by magic 'She' appears....
The crowd are on their feet (well, those of them that can find their zimmerframes are). A vision appears from stage left (eh..the hatch from the Off Licence) in very high heels, her bottle of red wine clamped firmly in place by her bra strap, her arms waving in the air, her fingers posed in that certain style that only true rappers can do (when I do it, I just look like I am giving the old 'Harvey Smith'), and she struts along the bar, singing:
Uh...my name is....
Uh...my name is....
Uh...my name is........Joan Murphy.....!
The crowd can't contain themselves (thank god the toilets are near by), riotous applause ensues (probably because she didn't knock over any pints), and lots of pairs of boxer shorts (somebody had brought their laundry with them) are flung along the bar where she is dancing. ....
Meanwhile, Anthony* (her long suffering husband) has left for Delaney's....
*Names have been changed to protect the innocent Anthony and Joan Murphy's out there!
**Seamus doesn't need protecting, as he is usually asleep...
Disclaimer: Any similarity to persons or places, real or imaginary named in this blog, is purely coincidental......Oh wait!!!
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