How is everybody?
As you may have noticed, I haven’t been here blogging for a very long time. Why is that you ask? Lack of inspiration? Too busy with work? Probably laziness is the best answer if the truth be told, but I like to think it’s really because my trusty old laptop finally gave up and I just couldn’t bear to be here without it. It was very old and slow so it was best to just let it go....
And hasn’t the world gone mad since I’ve been here last? I find myself singing that song by Steelers Wheel a lot lately. You know it, the one that goes:
Clowns to the left of me (You know who I mean, don’t make me write his name),
Jokers to the right (Brexit),
Here I am (very glad to be) stuck in the middle with you!
And as much as I try to ignore all the nonsense there really is no escaping it.
Unfortunately, there’s no escaping where I am today either. This is the view from the comfy chair I’m sitting in.
Not too bad I suppose. But I’d much rather it be this view:
Well in fairness, even though we had a marvelous run of weather this summer, who wouldn’t prefer to be looking at that view. Of course, if that was my view then I’d probably be having one of these to go with it.
Do you remember when we were in school and we learned about Heaven and Hell? Heaven being the nice place with sunshine and clouds and smiling people and Hell being, well, hell! Well, we also learned about this other place that I could never figure out. It was like a holding area where you had to wait for a designated amount of time so that you could purge all your sins and get ‘clean’ before you could get into Heaven? Where the hell (ha!) was it? If it wasn’t in Heaven, up in the sky, and it wasn’t in Hell, down below the ground then where on earth was it? It was a complete mystery to me.
Today, the mystery was solved, I found it. It’s called Purgatory. For those of you reading this that are non Catholic, I’ve looked up the definition for you, to save you the time:
purgatory
/ˈpəːɡət(ə)ri/
noun
- 1.(in Catholic doctrine) a place or state of suffering inhabited by the souls of sinners who are expiating their sins before going to heaven."all her sins were forgiven and she would not need to go to Purgatory"
adjective
ARCHAIC
- 1.having the quality of cleansing or purifying."infernal punishments are purgatory and medicinal"
I’m having the medicinal bit, a delightful cocktail, but I won’t be drinking it from a glass. It will be administered through this.
And my penance,16 cocktails over 20 weeks.
It’s being administered by Nurse Mary (lets just call her NM from now on), she’s in charge of Purgatory. She’s very bossy, and seems to say no to everything, and there’s lots of rules!
No massages (really? That’s my Saturday ruined!)
No shellac nails (how well do you actually know me Mary?)
No holistic remedies (well that’s Cava off the list so)
No flying (is that a collective sigh of relief I hear from my family)
There's lots of others, but she lost me after the no flying bit.
And most definitely no dropping into Purgatory uninvited. She said this, with expression and emphasis, at the end of each instruction, while circling a telephone number with her pen. I have to call first if I want to see her when it’s not my day in Purgatory. She doesn’t want me bringing any germs I may accumulate in with me and giving them to anyone else. I was going to point out that it would be her fault that I get the germs in the first place as she’s the one crashing my immune system with her toxic mixes, but I thought twice about that! I can’t read the number I’m supposed to call, it’s no longer visible as it’s been circled so many times.
There’s a little bit of Heaven here all the same, NM says she’ll cure my psoriasis with her cocktails. Amen and hallelujah to that! But on the flip side, there’s also a bit of hell, NM says her cocktails will not only make my hair stand on end, but they’ll make it fall out too. Bah Humbug to that.
Someone’s on to me. Two nuns just came in and offered me communion. I had to cover my writing so they couldn’t see me being blasphemous. I was very polite, but next week I might have a different response depending on the results of the referendum on Friday. Watch out Sisters!!
'Tall Kevin' came with me today, he’s gone to work now, but he gave me a 'Small Kevin', so that even if he couldn’t be here I’d always have a 'Kevin' with me. (Is there someone cutting onions in here cos there’s water coming out of my eyes).
This is Small Kevin:
I think I prefer Small Kevin, he has better choice in outfits, he doesn’t change color when he sees a hypodermic needle and I don’t have to buy him croissants in the coffee shop.
After a long morning of waiting and being poked by needles, and prodded by Nurses and Doctors, Chemotherapy is over. On NM’s advice, I slept through it. Well I wasn’t going to argue with her. It wasn't as bad as I had anticipated, I am tired and I know it is only the first one, but it's done now. One down only 15 to go, my math teacher would be proud of me. I think by the time I get through this, I could re-sit my Biology Leaving Cert exam and make that teacher proud also.
They’re sending me home now and it’s bed time for me.
Some of you may have noticed that my subject header is a line from the song “Wish you were here” by Pink Floyd. Well that’s not true, I don’t wish that any of you were here with with me and NM, or ever have to be...
Oh yeah, some good news on my way out. I had a CT scan of my brain earlier in the day. (Insert you're own inappropriate joke here!) Apparently, the result shows a very healthy brain. But I don’t know, it looks a bit mushy to me.
Here’s the image.
