Puzzle

Read this earlier and it made me laugh, so I thought I'd share it.
A nice break from all the Election stuff...

"If toast lands butter-side down and cats always land on their feet, what happens if you butter a cat?"

What's in store?

Yesterday as a country we polled,
Election promises by politicians we were sold,
What the outcome will be
we have to wait and see
So, in with the new and out with the old...



(I wonder where Mick Wallace gets his hair done?)

Communication - What a load of (foot)balls....

Picture postcard perfect!  What a beautiful place to spend a week.  Snow tipped mountains, with peaks like piles of icing sugar, quaint little villages, Italian wine, and of course skiing!!

Enrolled for ski school and off I set for my first lesson.  I thought I would start in the nursery with all the small kids, but I got rumbled and was sent off to join the adults.  It was chaos to start with but eventually standards were assessed and groups were formed.  Nobody seemed to know what to do with me for a while, and I was left standing alone for a couple of minutes.  Oh er.... what's going on here?  Eventually I was paired with another guy and from my understanding of basic Italian, was told to wait, halfway up the slope, for 'Antonio' to arrive to give us our lesson.

Off everybody else went and we were left alone standing on the side of the mountain.  It was quiet for a while and then, me being nosey, thought I would make polite conversation with my partner in crime.

Do you speak English, I asked, hopefully? 
No, no English! - Oops awkward silence!
Me Italian, he offered, and you?
I'm Irish. 
Bigger awkward silence!
Ah....Olland, yes. 
Eh, no I.r.e.l.a.n.d!  
Yes, Dutch. 
No, (trying not to get pi**ed off)  Irish, not Dutch. - He seems to understand and smiles.
Yes, Van Basten and Rudd Gullett.  (I thought about hitting him with my pole, but then I would have slid down the mountain!  But, at last, some common ground, I think I'm on to something here.)
No, not VanBasten, Irish!  Trapattoni!!  
Ahhh, Trapattoni, Irelande, very good!

So the International language of Soccer saved the day.

TG Antonio turned up right at that moment with more students.  My new soccer friend very kindly explains to him that I don't speak any Italian and I hear the words Trapattoni and Irelande mentioned.  So 'Antonio' explains with slow Italian and lots of gestures that he has limited English and I am going to have to learn with my eyes.  Thats OK, I can live with that, and nod accordingly.  OK, OK, he says, now what es your name?

Oh no!!  Anybody know a Soccer Team with a player called Siobhan...

One ticked off the list.....

There was a young girl called Siobhan
for a flight, had to get up at dawn,
to Bergamo she did go,
and found lots of snow
and happily skied all day long....



(Forecast is for rain.....grr......why does it always have to follow me?)

Hot air.

The Dragon was grumpy this morning, very grumpy!  So much so, that the fire coming from his nostrils burnt me.  So badly that it made me cry!

Lucky it's dark in the dungeon and nobody can see my red eyes.....

Is it time to go home yet?

Double trouble!

There is an annual 'Eurovision' song contest,
and every Country in Europe send their best,
we are sending twins,
with crazy hair and silly grins,
We have no chance, to this I attest.....

To tell or not to tell...

An update on my 'app' astonishment. 

There is now one called Confession.  You can confess all your sins for a small fee.

I wonder how long the battery on the iPhone lasts, I might be a while....

Gloria - v - The Gale

(Sung to the tune of 'I will survive')

First there was a gale, knocked me outta my stride

Kept Rusty on the lead so he’d be by my side.

I thought oh so many times, I really should go home

But I stayed, 

and something kept me going!

And now it’s back, that pesky rain

I just walked on and on and realized I really must be insane

I should have checked the weather forecast

I should have been able to foresee

If I know for just one minute

This rain would be soaking me

Go on now blow

And blow some more!

I’m not turning round now

Even if I can’t walk straight anymore

But if you think this wind and rain will make me say goodbye

Well it can try, 

But I’ll keep on going

I will survive.........

App - alling!

App - arently there is a new 'App' that, if you are single and looking for a date, will tell you where the most amount of women are at any one time.

I am app - solutely amazed!!  Big brother gone ap(p)e!

(Hmm.... how come it only tells you where the women are?)

TD's -v- fruit.

I heard somebody likening our Politicians to a bunch of bananas.

They start off green.
Not one of them is straight.
And they finish up yellow!

I think I have an apple....

Not so subtle!

They're back!! 

They just appear, as if by magic, and suddenly they are everywhere.  Smiling.  No matter what route you choose, they are there.  Smiling.  Sometimes three or four or five together.  Smiling.  When you stop at traffic lights, their eyes follow you.  All those eyes, subtly pleading.  And they are smiling, always smiling.  In their best suits, hair nicely done, vying for top position.  Catchy slogans.  Corporate colours.  And smiling....

Election Posters!  Scary....

A place for talent

I have just found out that there is a place called 'The Limerick Writers Centre'.  How have I never heard of this before?  Can you just imagine the conversations that take place there.

Ah Seamus, how are you today?
You're fine! Is that what you say?
That's good to know
sorry, I have to go,
I'm in the middle of writing a play!!

No problem Paddy, said Seamus,
with that play someday you'll be famous!
Before I go home
I'm writing a poem
an 'Ode to an underpaid Waitress!!

Better ring 'The Master' he should know about this.......